I have been waiting for this moment, just to experience this silence which really soothes me. Its 02:10 at night and theres no one except silence, or a bit noise at some far end because of Christmas crackers. Life has been completely hell bent on kicking, everyday each morning brings up same thing, the same old routine, the same old question, the same thoughts filling up this mind with suicidal frustration up to the brim. You feel real bad about whats happening and why things are not in your control. The day moves on, as you get along busy with things, you tend to forget all that. Day passes, night creeps in, you feel a bit relaxed, you become a dreamer, it feels like the night shouldn't have an end, but the realization is back with the same old torn morning the next day. You feel utterly hapless, it seems why you cant get out of it, why life has been so unkind and will it ever end? Life moves on, those minutes have converted into hours, hours into days, days into months,years and its been at least say 4 years. Is it worth the effort?
Apart from this regular stuff, you have other things, family and friends which you juggling along. Trying hard not to drop any of these, but it is really difficult, it eats you up, making you weak inside, when people don't understand. You can not crib, can not share the pain, only you and you have to decide and just move on, whichever way it takes you.
At the end, this night will end soon, there will be yet another morning enveloping you with those scary thoughts as soon as you wake up. Just hope, that the ability to survive till that fine day remains.
No comments:
Post a Comment