This is goodbye

Feelers

In my dreams I'm dying all the time

When I wake its kaleidoscopic mind

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to lie

So this is goodbye

This is goodbye

HuRt

As you sow, so shall you reap. It all comes back after going round and round mysteriously and it hits you back with a bang. Never would have given it a consideration, it would just create such a deep crater in spite of being non intentional and harmful to anyone else. 

Sole blame or onus of this so called agony completely comes on own, you never wanted it this way, it had to be another way, which seems to be more arduous.

Why the furore now, its just the inability to satisfy your own fragile male ego time again time. 

Very rightly said, I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being. Really need an angel who would fix this all up. 

Desire's would never end...

Dil Chahta hai

0133 at night. What you have in front of you, dimly lit series of lights on the highway, the sound of trucks cruising, the typical siren of the engine running on tracks parallel to highway. Nothing else, but silence all around, what else could you imagine for, that the night should never end. With such a background score playing which would take you down the memory lane, back to good old days, the feeling is magical, beyond the realm of explanation.
Life could never be so beautiful....

Return to innocence..

A fit of madness, swayed by the impulse of self flagellation, based on the pretext of worthless, forced its way to disconnect itself from the world. Its Hell out here....

Inner Voice

Wish I had never grown up, never would I have to burden my shoulders with so called responsibilities of life. Even if it was to be this way, I would have surely loved to get an opportunity to undo things in life with a simple Ctrl + Z. Again the same mornings have started rising putting the absurdity and fragility of life in question, when will this chasm be filled in? Is this a question, I would just keep on asking at time and time again or will really be a day full of sunshine. Now comes the human psychology or tendency to accept the self consoling way one uses to evade such devastating feelings. One has just no way except to accept it.
You get up, realize whats going on, it penetrates deep into you and perpetuates the intensity that it will worsen further. You think and think to get it done. As the day passes, this feeling slowly subsides and then comes the night bringing the solitary pleasure which you always have been wanting for and want it to never end. But soon you realize, there is again a morning tomorrow which may be as bad or more as it was today. The cycle goes round and round and round, and it will, until you rise against what you feel you should have a lot long before.....

How wonderful it would have been that if you could be insulated from the surroundings or realities of life.

Maddening..

Just a moment of madness. These sporadic spasms of madness takes a heavy toll, unless a vent has been rendered to let go all of it. Just a need to unleash your fury, need to have someone who would calm you down, although that may not be possible at times. Its just frustrating to have it and that too all because of some non apparent reasons. All accumulated inside suddenly just storms it way out creating shatters somewhere...
Is there any way it could be avoided, or I guess its just the need of hour?

Crap

Just heard about it - the one who laughs and made others laugh a lot, carries a thunder storm of sadness in his heart. Well, is this true? To a certain extent it may seem like it is, oh whatever it may be, wouldn't it be wonderful if in that case someone would really care to understand the agony which one is going through?
How beautifully comforting would it be if someone would look in to your eyes and say, that yes, I can feel the turmoil inside you and that too in spite of all the deception you plotted to evade the reality. Sounds like a fairy tale, thats the most disheartening fact, when you get to know this wont happen and all of a sudden you are awake. I wish life could have been that way. Just the human psyche, no one to blame.