TiMe

I heard that people do change with time. I used to deny or even neglect this fact every time someone used to din it in my ears, since those were my graduation days and I never did give a damn to any of the things in life. Everything was rosy for me back then. No care at all for anything in life, but gradually I have started to realise what it actually feels like. It may be partly true that people change with time, but I guess it’s more of the circumstances, different facets of life which one goes through, and that actually compels a person to behave differently unlike his/her past. And now what about the present life, deeply engrossed into their life with a bulk of responsibilities, everyone has forgotten everyone. It’s just about them, actually not their fault, just the normal human behaviour. You start avoiding people, don’t even take calls, even from close ones, but separated by a distance.  The ones who are physically around you in your everyday life would have expectations and your shoulders will just drop down carrying that burden of fulfilling it. And when you can’t take it anymore, you just give in, blowing up everything.

People who are physically around us are bound to have expectations from us and we are supposed to reciprocate at least in some way they would like us to.  And the ones who are oceans apart, just connected through technology (although at once they were really close) are no longer that important part of our lives and it does hurt, it surely does.  It is really hard to digest the fact that things have really changed and the best or worst part is that you didn’t do that. Its not like that its all over, you still feel the same about them you used to do, but theres something which has changed and can’t be explained. The reason behind that could be that you are no longer with them and no longer are those moments when you could just laugh, cry, play at any/with god damn thing.

Nostalgia overtakes. I quit.

Another brick in the wall

Another brick in the wall now, happened to meet a few people off lately who have the potential to replace me w.r.t. mmmmm....actually a lot of things which can not be described here. All that can be said is that its gonna hurt real bad, given the time already spent, it would be really difficult to snap it all off abruptly and above all passing off the baton (which was and is inevitable). It was very much clear or rather it was completely out pouring that it left me out of place. Last resort at such occasions are always just to be seemed in your own world to escape those awkward moments.
You know what the prick is : that somebody, just god damn somebody (that too who came upon later, much later than you and mesmerized in such a short span) is gonna own or possess them, more than you do. It gives you that look in the face that you will be losing all the prerogatives you enjoyed over them. And this all is actually very hard to digest that you will be losing upon something which you always had for long and it was for granted with mutual consent. And now, with this consent again (but not for me) it will all disappear, you will get nothing, nothing at all.
They will just come, take that cookie from you very sweetly (although you would be boiling inside, but with a smile on face) and boom, it goes.
This all has cultivated more hatred in me, making me to imbibe more and more trust into my own dark thoughts.
Its amazing, though unbelievably strange, how come they can vary so much.
You know what, this She thing has the uncanny capability to tear you apart, shred you into such pieces which would be reluctant to come back to glue together. And life will be hell for you.
On the contrary this She has the ability to pull those pieces together and stitch them very softly devoid of any pain and you would not even know what happened. And life will be a bliss for you.

Nirvana

The best state would be in my dreams as that is the only place where I can claim you as my own. Its you when the eyes are closed, all the talks, blabber is all because of you. Nothing without you. Let it be like this only, even if its a dream, as it feels real good in here. Let me just trust this illusion and be remain in this oblivion with the ecstasy never felt before in reality.
Just unbelievable.

jAAn - yoU

How strange is this human psychology? You crib about people doing things which are wrong as per your own perception, but you behave the same when put in the same circumstances and then you say its justified.

It seeks compromise when you are wrong, but looks for judgement when others are wrong. Specially affected by this kind has been the female creature, I believe, it is somehow actually accepted that it doesn't behoove them to do any such things, even unknowingly that the male species would have done without even an eye raised for that. Its a male dominated society (has improved) but still a lot more prevails, so in case she is doing any wrong, has to dealt with grave consequences. Weird, it is.

Same was the case, a slight provocation, that too without the knowledge of the person concerned, hit me straight and my mind had already taken a plunge in to revenge taking mode. I still don't know what was it about, what went past it, is it still going on, whether it needs explanation or not (just to console myself, I would say it should not be the case)?

It was hurtfully disappointing to read all that, and that too, to be seen with a response, it was like someone literally poked in to my heart, with the blood taking the other route through tear ducts. Just unbearable. The moment was obviously filled with a bit of hatred, revenge and ego on the top of it. But then thats the way it was supposed to be. It was just normal, thats the way we have been designed, its all hunky dory when you get your pie, but you yell when it seems to be shared by someone else, when you were already mistaken or had taken for granted that it was just for you. It was as simple as that, nothing more nothing less. 

4 hours of unnecessary, unknown, miserable pain (although yet unidentified whether it worth it or not). To be truthful, what accentuated it, was just the bloody fragile male ego and nothing else, that how could I be unaware of all the developments happening on that side. Now thats the beauty of it, you would want to be part of everything, but would not like to reciprocate the same way or at least return the favors.

Well, self flagellating is the best way, I guess to get rid of all this and give it a vent. Simply, there is just a need to accept, nothing else. 

All said and done, but I still feel the need to know about it, I do not know why (but deep down inside I know its ego), but these are the feelers.

You actually don't deserve to be loved, if you do not have the courage to stand for it, need to think hard before you love someone.

Absolutely, Dont know

What the hell it is that you just keep on waiting for that one single message from someone? You are awake till wee hours of morning, for what, just a single message, hmm... all right may be from someone special. Man, this is gonna take me in deep shit, I know the feeling is just amazing and everyone should just experience it once in their life time. It just changes the man himself and his thinking. See, what I am writing about, I had never expected it from myself, but when in **** (Oh, its not that F word, I am just afraid of using that Lovely L word), you do the unexpected. All right, I just now realized, the message which I had sent 5 minutes ago and was eagerly waiting for reply, did not just go, it failed (so disheartening, seriously), had to resend.
Enough of this, more talks on this, I may fall for all this.