jAAn - yoU

How strange is this human psychology? You crib about people doing things which are wrong as per your own perception, but you behave the same when put in the same circumstances and then you say its justified.

It seeks compromise when you are wrong, but looks for judgement when others are wrong. Specially affected by this kind has been the female creature, I believe, it is somehow actually accepted that it doesn't behoove them to do any such things, even unknowingly that the male species would have done without even an eye raised for that. Its a male dominated society (has improved) but still a lot more prevails, so in case she is doing any wrong, has to dealt with grave consequences. Weird, it is.

Same was the case, a slight provocation, that too without the knowledge of the person concerned, hit me straight and my mind had already taken a plunge in to revenge taking mode. I still don't know what was it about, what went past it, is it still going on, whether it needs explanation or not (just to console myself, I would say it should not be the case)?

It was hurtfully disappointing to read all that, and that too, to be seen with a response, it was like someone literally poked in to my heart, with the blood taking the other route through tear ducts. Just unbearable. The moment was obviously filled with a bit of hatred, revenge and ego on the top of it. But then thats the way it was supposed to be. It was just normal, thats the way we have been designed, its all hunky dory when you get your pie, but you yell when it seems to be shared by someone else, when you were already mistaken or had taken for granted that it was just for you. It was as simple as that, nothing more nothing less. 

4 hours of unnecessary, unknown, miserable pain (although yet unidentified whether it worth it or not). To be truthful, what accentuated it, was just the bloody fragile male ego and nothing else, that how could I be unaware of all the developments happening on that side. Now thats the beauty of it, you would want to be part of everything, but would not like to reciprocate the same way or at least return the favors.

Well, self flagellating is the best way, I guess to get rid of all this and give it a vent. Simply, there is just a need to accept, nothing else. 

All said and done, but I still feel the need to know about it, I do not know why (but deep down inside I know its ego), but these are the feelers.

You actually don't deserve to be loved, if you do not have the courage to stand for it, need to think hard before you love someone.