Expressive P..a..u..s..e..s

Oh hell, that was right,

what I thought,

was true indeed,

paining it was there,

had I not done the necessary,

it would have become difficult to repair.

Although it brought no fruition,

but if wouldn't have given a shot,

it would have been a curse for myself,

and the other side completely distraught.

First Ride

Got the feelers,

somehow today,

that should have been there,

for it seemed like

a bit of discomfort,

around you.

Remember that look,

which you gave,

before turning away.

Felt like there was pain,

and when I could realize this,

it was a bit late.

Dont know why,

but I haven't still done the correction,

may be am not sure if its real,

or its just figment of my imagination.

Am not feeling good about it either,

just waiting,

if you could make both us feel better.

Expectations would have turned you down,

I would agree,

it would be apt,

anyway you act now.

I wish I could cut these barriers,

and make you at ease,

but, just let it be,

and wait, if we could cross this tumultuous sea.

If at all, its gonna be,

the love would hold no bounds,

for I would know no limits then,

and it would be all just about you.

Killing me softly

You have become,

an addiction for me,

The moment the hang over

seems to be gone,

everything starts pricking me.

It is really intoxicating,

I felt a bit change today,

from this platonic haze,

to that subtle pleasurable cage.

You exposed my underbelly,

poked me and told,

that I am devoured by you.

I really dont remember,

when it all rained,

your love just started,

seeping into my veins.

Got that vicarious kick,

which I had always been averse to,

tell me its not a fallacy,

or if it is, let it be you.

Have started acting morbid at times,

just with the thought,

that I would always be,

just uncaught.

This so-called-your Love,

which you bestow upon me,

has become a daily dose,

giving me few breaths everyday,

so that I can be taken care of.

This is my life

I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming out loud

I'm searching the missing part of my heart

you catch me every time i fall

When i look into your eyes

I just know you tell me lies.

This,this is my life I'm looking for you searching love in your eyes

This, this my life I'm chasing a dream that fades away in the night.

so-called LoVe

It was long back,

although its now over,

have forgotten or had to,

for dont have any option.

Felt like a blow,

sometimes pricking to death,

when you made someone else,

more better than myself.

Would you ever understand,

its not easy to gulp,

am still fighting the war with myself,

to get rid of this confusion,

but you still busy putting,

flames on ignition.

It was like,

bathing in hot molten iron,

slitting all apart,

without any feel,

life to depart.

Why aggravation,

if you cant just soothe,

or render alleviation.

Cant stop you from this,

may be you are right,

will surely endure this,

just be on my side.

But wouldn't it be lovely,

and nice,

if you understood all this,

Dont you feel love,

if yes, then why me to entice.

I just hope everything just goes down with this ending night.

I Understand

Your ego is more stubborn than mine is,

Although you have let go of it a few times,

but seems like a thing of past,

dont know why it sends me to thoughts,

have you changed or am I lost?

Weirdo

It wasn't what I was looking for today,

and neither were you.

The commotion happened,

just like that,

and I was lost,

with nothing in hand.

Could have been much better,

since it was just meant only for you.

Things came untold,

for it was not really my plan.

Had I got more feelers,

would surely have turned into heaven.

Was bound to happen,

with those few hours of waste and confusion.

Want to know what exactly I would want, when I would get what I had been longing for.

Anticipation of a Message

Don't you feel it,

the way I feel.

Reality would always have it different,

but at least, let me live with it in dreams.

Sulking am I, 

in that unconscious world,

when I wake up,

pretense is my sole love.

For this is not affordable for me,

as I cant revolt against myself.

And if its not meant the way, it should,

would have to bear it alone.

Does it really mean nothing to you,

or you don't want to be pampered.

Indulgence would obviously gratify,

either both of us, or 

the whole set of our senses,

cluttered and battered.

 

Afraid

The fear has again cropped up,

am I getting too close,

inconsistent thoughts,

but it also pains, if there is no dose.

Smoky Garage

Staring at those walls,

pondering upon what just went by,

was it expected or not.

Always in the ambiguity,

what's gonna unfold,

amazed at the ways,

how all this has been devised.

Makes you feel good, bad,

and at the end, 

consoling yourself,

since you could not find the way out of it,

it seems, nothing is stable in human affairs.

Everything's composed,

somewhere in the heaven,

how things are and would be,

unable to connect,

in this perplexed living.

Think this way, 

and it turns out different,

just shuttling between,

great expectations and

abject disappointment.

Fickle mindedness,

incurable instability,

elation for a while,

then craziness ahead.

Affectionate love,

distorted dreams,

confusion galore,

assorted with sporadic fear.

Would this all make sense,

hopefully someday when the sky is clear.

Stereo Love

When you're gonna stop breaking my heart

I don't wanna be another one

Paying for the things I never done

Don't let go,

Don't let go

To my love.

Can I get to your soul?

Can you get to my thought?

Can we promise we won't let go?

All the things that I need

All the things that you need

You can make it feel so real.

Scary Intimacy

This fickle mind,

is going to devastate the whole me some day.

The intensity of repulsion, the confrontation,

all escapes just with a simple conversation.

Cursing yourself,

for spilling the beans,

has become a routine.

Is it bad or is it just fine,

am never gonna find.

Its just my alter ego at the play,

if I let go of it, its very much okay.

Its real hard to act as one,

which you are not a part of,

when little tiny expectations become your world,

and they are being trampled upon rudely,

you are bound to retort.

It happened,

in the same way.

Hell broke loose, as always,

for I thought again, its the last time,

Had to accept the hard way,

that it all needs to be gagged,

doesn't matter, if it hurts,

for the pain would be less than what it is now.

Importance, always made to hurt,

is it with all us mortals or is it just her.

Tumultuous it became,

with violent streaks taking shelter.

And then all of sudden,

I was soothed,

my senses calmed,

was made human again.

It felt like ventilators,

in this no oxygen zone.

But why all this discomfort,

just because of her's comfort.

Ironic it is to accept,

but yes, thats the way it is.

Hollowed

Having gone through the lanes of past,

when there was not even an iota of this turbulence,

it feels better to be careless about all this,

without giving it attention.

Selfish on own's part,

but then we are all trying to save our own ass,

if at all its bound to happen,

am sure it will.

There's no need to make a fool of your self,

n getting hurt at the end,

let go of this sand from your fist,

the tighter u try to hold it,

it will just slip away,

just let it be whatever it is.

And at the end,

u can't claim it,

as it was never yours.

Its Affirmative

It wasn't my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Empathized

Now I have realized, it was much better before,

Carefree I was, for I never thought of you,

was unaware of your pain.

And now my mind is cluttered,

every now and then it thinks of you,

making it all uneasy for me.

The tables have turned,

I understood you were in pain,

but now a lot more is at stake.